Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Alphabet drafted into anti-Imperialist fight

The fight against Imperialism has taken a dramatic new turn as any country beginning with the same letter as "England" or "America" is now fair game for attack.

Kicking off the fight, the brave anti-Imperialist resistance in Iraq launched the new strategy with executions of diplomats from Egypt and Algeria.

Of course, Egypt hasn't really been an imperialist power since long before Cleopatra, but what the hell, it starts with "E" just like England so why split hairs?

Similarly, Algeria hasn't been a colonialist power for decades since it withdrew its troops from France (or was it the other way round? Oh well, does it really matter?). But it starts with an "A" just like America, so its diplomats deserved to die, obviously.


Fiji had better watch out, becuase it could be a proxy for France... or the Filipines (is that how you spell it? Oh who cares when there's an orgy of blood to be had!), and the Gambians had better keep their diplomats safe from any retaliation for the 3rd Reich.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Dumb idea of the week #1

Sometimes the "concept" runs away with common sense.

Who came up with this idea? Some "expert" on ITV News was just spouting that in order to restore public confidence in London's public transport system, MPs and other VIPs should be seen to be using the Tube and the busses.

Yes, that will be a strong disincentive for suicide bombers! The thought that you might catch government ministers and captains of industry on the 7:49 from King's Cross will in no way make the public transport system more of a target.

Hmmm... or will it?

Strike 3 for 'Iraqi Freedom'

No Bin Laden, No WMDs and now No Freedom either...

First we were told that Iraq was harbouring Ossama Bin Laden, which seemed absurd, because monster that he was, Saddam Hussein was not a religious fanatic and didn't appear to have much time for people who were. It was absurd. Ossama wasn't in Iraq. We can be sure of this because Saddam used the best hiding place - and we know how that worked out for him.

Then we were told that Iraq had the mythical WMDs - which no one has been able to find. BUt ho-hum, all this is just detail. The real reason we were supposed to support the invasion was to bring FREEDOM to Iraq.

I admit, I thought that wasn't a bad proposotion. Saddam clearly had to go, and while I did not think that an invasion was necessarily the best way to achieve that, I was willing to accept - once the invasion was a fait acompli - that at the very least there was this 'consolation' prize.

Now, that's now pie in the sky stuff too. Instead of a secular liberal democracy, it seems that Sharia Law will be incorporated into their constitution. Say goodbye to equal rights for women. (I doubt that gay rights was even on the agenda.)

For a more detailed report on the issue, see a commentary by the Organization of Women’s Freedom in Iraq:


The Jews lost my house keys

Yesterday evening I had to rush out to catch the last post collection. I almost missed it because I wasted vital minutes trying to find where The Jews had hidden my house keys. I thought of just dashing down to the post box on the corner leaving the door unlocked, but then I remembered that a few years ago I'd done that and The Jews had stolen my television.

Gee, this blaming The Jews is easier than I thought!

Loopy antisemite (and Socialist Worker Party totem) Gilad Atzmon is now claiming in a self-publshed article on Indymedia (where he is in good company) that the Israelis were behind the London bombings. Of course, there are several dozen more pseudo-radical fruitcakes posting similar stories every day on Indymedia, but not all of them get invited to the SWP's "Marxism" conference - like Gilad Atzmon.

Of course, with Indymedia's unmoderated "open publishing" system, it may simply be an Atzmon-imposter, though frankly, the article wouldn't be out of place here:

And of course, it isn't much different to his theseis "Welcome to Zionised Britain" - his paper for the SWP's conference:

Anyhoo... time for a snack. Let's hope The Jews haven't made my butter too hard to spread.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

You couldn't make it up

"Blair's make-up bill tops £1,800" says the BBC.

That sounds pretty reasonable to me. £1,800 a month for someone doing an endless stream of TV appearances, photo-calls and public engagements.

But no, this hysteria is not over his monthly bill. Apparently he's spent this money since he came to office. Gee whiskers! £1,800 in 8 years. Why, that's almost 20 quid a month!!! Such extravagence!

The woman who staffs the till at my local Costcutter probably spends more than that!!

At a time of national crisis, is it really necessary to manufacture (dare I say 'make up') ridiculous "scandals" over that fact that people who appear on TV dab a little powder on their noses?

The Guardian joined in "Downing Street has spent more than £1,000 of public money over the past six years on cosmetics to ready him for the harsh glare of TV. "

Let's see: £1,000 divided by 6 years... that's £167 per year, or £13.88 per month.

Forty-six pence a day is what they're freaking out about. I'm willing to chip in. Let's take up a collection to save the taxpayer from this onerous burden. Good heavens, the money could rather be spent buying a Mars Bar for the embattled NHS.,9174,1535118,00.html